Saturday, June 28, 2008

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' If you feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also My 'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?

IF THERE IS ONE EMAIL THAT I HAVE READ THAT NEEDS TO GO AROUND THE WORLD, IT IS THIS ONE, FOR THE CHRISTIAN OR NOT! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
You don't have to share this with anybody, no one will know whether you did or not, but what do you feel in your heart?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Holiday was truly great. Mid-years are finally over, although it's totally cocked up but still, I'm glad that I've endured it. Much shopping done recently :) That makes me feel really happy. Oh, and baby is learning how to drive now! Somehow I feel excited as if I'm the one learning. Hehe :D School will resume to normal next week, so I'll better make good use of this weekend to play hard. Yeah ;)

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Well, my fortune telling skills are pretty inaccurate. I'm so lonely now. I actually stayed at home for the whole of today, except the breakfast part. Yesterday night baby and his bro came cycling to my house to abduct me. So I went over their house with them, in my pj:) Haha. And mum just told me that dad was furious. I didn't expect him to find out cause he was sleeping so soundly then. That shows that I'm totally running bad luck because the probability of my dad checking on me while I'm asleep is close to zero. Oh wells, it's alright. Dad's perfectly cool with that, he just likes to barge into our lives and nag at us every time. Oh, I forgot to mention, my holiday is perfect! My schedule is fully packed with fun stuff:) Plus I can spend time with baby from early in the morning till I-don't-know-what-time EVERYDAY:) Anyway, my first week of holiday has already been burnt by the school. Second and third week will be race and maybe shopping. Last week of hols will be set apart for mugging for mid years. You know JCs are so despicable, they put mid year papers after the June hols, prompting us to study during that short pathetic few weeks of supposedly fun holiday. Ahaha, but I do not care. I think one week is more than enough for revision, although I'm super lagged behind others already. I miss you dear:(

Saturday, May 3, 2008

It's been almost a month since I last blogged. I didn't have the time to. School's schedule is too hectic to bother about such trivial matters. I predict my next post will be about two months away. Anyway life is great except for the school and homework part. I'm getting so sick of JC life. I'm so freaking envious of those friends who went to a poly and doing what they like there. I wish I was there too, wish. Never mind, there's no point complaining or ranting now, that will get me nowhere. I chose it myself. Darn me. Anyway, I went fishing today with baby and his brother. As expected, the fishes are too smart to get hooked. Baby, I want to catch big crabs and huge fishes one day! Haha:) You can bring me to kelong! I need to go on a holiday, seriously. I swear my hair will all turn white after these two years of JC life. Sucks.I need mighty mouse :(

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Tomorrow is monday, the day I dread most. But nevermind, one week will pass very quickly. I've been going to baby's house every single day. And I love it there :) Haha. It is one the escapes from school's stress. Although there should be nothing much in school that stress me cause I haven been really studying, except for tests, which I failed :( I don't have blogging mood anymore. I feel so sleepy. But shit, I have yet to complete my homework. Can someone please motivate me to study? Or at least do my homework.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

I dread going to school. And darn, tomorrow's monday. I hate it. My assignments and homework seemed to be a no-ending kind of thing and the consequence of not handing them in on time is rather severe. I wish I could drop out of school and idle at home. But face the fact, I can't. I think I've lost my direction in life. I have no idea of what I want for the future, other than my love. I have the urge to go back to church again. Unfortunately, not riverlife. That church has brought me joy and pain. And the people there who used to mean a lot to me no longer mean much now. I don't find that a pity at all. But I still love my God :) I think my sleep tonight is burnt. I freaking need to complete my assignments and a dumb reflexion essay on the reasons of why I'm always late for this particular subject tutorial. Isn't the answer pretty obvious? I don't like you, teacher. And you can't teach for God's sake. I don't find any difference between being late or not for your lessons, I will still learn nothing at the end of the day. Honestly, self-revision is more constructive then your teaching. Thank God that Mr Lim is still willing to help me, or I'll be dead with your amazingly good teachings. I think shouldn't be so mean, will have bad karma. It's alright, I'm speaking the truth. Okay, homework time. Shall stop.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I'm at baby's house now, in my uniform. I can see that my blog is dying, soon I think.Cause I don't have time to update it. I've been very hardwroking recently you see. Like real. Yeah :) Baby, his mum, and I went to Ikea and Giant yesterday, quite fun. I don't mind sacrificing my sleep to do tutorials and revision late in the night in order to spend time with my love for the whole day. If only dad don't nag at me all the time for coming home late. Actually not that late. Okay, I'm self-contradicting. That's not the point anyway. HAH so bored.

Monday, March 17, 2008

This is cute :)

This is cute :)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Came back from camp this morning :( I'll miss you baby. I want more camps! Alright, this is not realistic. March hols are ending. Which means I'll be thrown back to school again with the tight schedule that can suffocate one. I haven touch on my homework or revision yet. Well, actually I did touched them, literally. Hah. This is bad, but still, hahaha :) Baby, plan more camps for me. June, December, christmas, hariraya, deepavali, easter, father mother day. All! Well again, this is not realistic. Haiyah. I should just go to sleep now and stop thinking too much. Goodbye.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Haven been blogging for almost two weeks. I've been heading to baby's house frequently these days and I have yet to start my revision, which I'm supposed to during this one precious week. Well, I shall do it after I finish this post. Cause I'll be camping at baby's house for the next three days :) Shiyi, please stop this. You have to start sprinting for your goal. I've been telling myself this since the year started. But till now I'm still on the same spot procrastinating. Okay, it's time to get started. I mean it this time.